Positive Behavioral Guidance: Helping Young Children with Special Needs Become Emotionally Healthy and Socially Skilled
Positive adult modeling helps all children, including special needs children, learn appropriate behaviors in a positive, loving way (Driscoll & Nagel, 2008). Its focus is on the positive aspects of behavior. Parents create an environment of support, encouragement, and unconditional love while helping children understand limits, rules, and age-appropriate expectations. Two and three-year-olds, regardless of their abilities and skill levels, need fair and consistent environments in order to develop trust and confidence in themselves and in those around them.
Positive behavior guidance: - Fosters self-regulation and self-discipline in children - Encourages children to develop independence and self-esteem - Helps protect children with special needs from being punished for their lack of or delayed skills - Promotes civility and pro-social behavior |
To Practice Positive Behavior Guidance, Parents Should:
Model appropriate/desired behavior - children are constantly watching and learning from what adults do and say around them. Constructivism, a well-respected and popular theory of cognitive development, claims that children learn and build behavior from their experiences and relationships (Blank, 2010). If you want your children to thank people, make sure to thank people in front of them. If you want them to not litter, always dispose of trash in appropriate ways. Modeling good behavior is the most powerful teaching tool you have at your disposal.
Treat children with respect - think about the way you treat children and ponder if you would do the same if they were adults. Would you grab them harshly? Move them abruptly? Yell at them in public? Fear is not respect. Children will only learn to respect you and others when they are treated with respect. Children with special needs are especially vulnerable to being mistreated because of their delays (Cochran et al., 2012). All children should be treated respectfully regardless of their abilities.
Use reasoning and explanations to justify rules and expectations - "because I said so" does not teach children anything that they can apply in their social interactions. By explaining the reasons behind rules and expectations, not only are you showing respect for your children, your are also teaching them that people have reasons for their actions (Carter & Pool, 2012). It teaches them cause and effect, and it sets parameters for consequences. Keep in mind that children with special needs might take longer than typically developing children to cognitively understand cause and effect and to grasp reasoning (Cochran et al., 2012). Be patient and consistent with them.
Guide problem solving - your children are seeking to become increasingly more independent, and it is important that you support them in this process. Leo Vygotsky, a very influential theorist in the field of child psychology, suggested that adults should help children solve problems by asking open-ended questions (those which require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer,) and guiding them through the process until they reach an acceptable solution (Blank, 2010). Though it is tempting to us to solve their problems, and it certainly takes less time to do so, it is much more beneficial to their development when adults allow them to learn to solve problems independently. Once again, remember to respect your children's own cognitive abilities, especially if they have special needs. They may need "yes" or "no" answers and concrete alternatives to help them solve problems until they are ready to take on more independence.
Respond promptly to children's needs - children learn to trust others when they know that their parents will always come when they are needed. The first trusting relationship your child will develop is with you. According to Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist expert in children's psychosocial development, a secure trust in their parents and their environments is the basis for children's future milestones, such as becoming autonomous and independent (Blank, 2010).
Use encouragement appropriately - when your children do something positive or behave appropriately, make sure to let them know. Hug them, kiss them, high-five them, and express how pleased you are with their behavior. Specific encouragement, such as saying "I am proud of how you let Jonah have a turn with your car" is much more productive and helpful than a generic "good job" because it clearly identifies to children the behavior you are praising (Driscoll & Nagel, 2008). This feedback helps them learn what behaviors are positive and desirable.
Anticipate children's needs - if you know your children are hungry, thirsty, or tired, meet those needs before you expect them to play with friends or go to the store. Give children warnings that you are about to leave, where you are going, and who you are going to see. Children this age are comforted by predictability and appreciate a "heads up" before transitions happen (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). Sometimes a simple three-minute warning before playtime is over may prevent a full-fledge tantrum.
Give children suitable choices - in their quest to become independent, children want to make their own choices and will respond strongly to opposition from adults (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). One way to encourage their pursuit of independence is to offer them two or three choices that are equally acceptable to you. Instead of opening the closet door and telling Mary that she can pick her outfit, only to find yourself having to insist on adding pants and a jacket because it's freezing outside and she has picked a summer dress, try placing three winter outfits on the bed and telling Mary that she can pick whichever one she wants. Mary will be happy and proud of herself, and you will be sure that she is wearing appropriate clothes to school.
Offer support and plenty of love - the most important aspect of positive guidance is to shower your children with love and support, so that they know that you love them no matter what (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). Parents should make it clear to children that even when they express disapproval of a behavior, they still love them very, very much. This is comforting and frees children to try new things without fear of losing their parents' love.
Treat children with respect - think about the way you treat children and ponder if you would do the same if they were adults. Would you grab them harshly? Move them abruptly? Yell at them in public? Fear is not respect. Children will only learn to respect you and others when they are treated with respect. Children with special needs are especially vulnerable to being mistreated because of their delays (Cochran et al., 2012). All children should be treated respectfully regardless of their abilities.
Use reasoning and explanations to justify rules and expectations - "because I said so" does not teach children anything that they can apply in their social interactions. By explaining the reasons behind rules and expectations, not only are you showing respect for your children, your are also teaching them that people have reasons for their actions (Carter & Pool, 2012). It teaches them cause and effect, and it sets parameters for consequences. Keep in mind that children with special needs might take longer than typically developing children to cognitively understand cause and effect and to grasp reasoning (Cochran et al., 2012). Be patient and consistent with them.
Guide problem solving - your children are seeking to become increasingly more independent, and it is important that you support them in this process. Leo Vygotsky, a very influential theorist in the field of child psychology, suggested that adults should help children solve problems by asking open-ended questions (those which require more than just a "yes" or "no" answer,) and guiding them through the process until they reach an acceptable solution (Blank, 2010). Though it is tempting to us to solve their problems, and it certainly takes less time to do so, it is much more beneficial to their development when adults allow them to learn to solve problems independently. Once again, remember to respect your children's own cognitive abilities, especially if they have special needs. They may need "yes" or "no" answers and concrete alternatives to help them solve problems until they are ready to take on more independence.
Respond promptly to children's needs - children learn to trust others when they know that their parents will always come when they are needed. The first trusting relationship your child will develop is with you. According to Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist expert in children's psychosocial development, a secure trust in their parents and their environments is the basis for children's future milestones, such as becoming autonomous and independent (Blank, 2010).
Use encouragement appropriately - when your children do something positive or behave appropriately, make sure to let them know. Hug them, kiss them, high-five them, and express how pleased you are with their behavior. Specific encouragement, such as saying "I am proud of how you let Jonah have a turn with your car" is much more productive and helpful than a generic "good job" because it clearly identifies to children the behavior you are praising (Driscoll & Nagel, 2008). This feedback helps them learn what behaviors are positive and desirable.
Anticipate children's needs - if you know your children are hungry, thirsty, or tired, meet those needs before you expect them to play with friends or go to the store. Give children warnings that you are about to leave, where you are going, and who you are going to see. Children this age are comforted by predictability and appreciate a "heads up" before transitions happen (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). Sometimes a simple three-minute warning before playtime is over may prevent a full-fledge tantrum.
Give children suitable choices - in their quest to become independent, children want to make their own choices and will respond strongly to opposition from adults (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). One way to encourage their pursuit of independence is to offer them two or three choices that are equally acceptable to you. Instead of opening the closet door and telling Mary that she can pick her outfit, only to find yourself having to insist on adding pants and a jacket because it's freezing outside and she has picked a summer dress, try placing three winter outfits on the bed and telling Mary that she can pick whichever one she wants. Mary will be happy and proud of herself, and you will be sure that she is wearing appropriate clothes to school.
Offer support and plenty of love - the most important aspect of positive guidance is to shower your children with love and support, so that they know that you love them no matter what (McFarland-Piazza & Saunders, 2012). Parents should make it clear to children that even when they express disapproval of a behavior, they still love them very, very much. This is comforting and frees children to try new things without fear of losing their parents' love.